Category Archives: Our Life Stories

Photographs and Memories

Posted on by

Photographs and memories.

It is an old song…but it is also a present reality.

I went to one of my childhood homes, my dad’s, for the last time several weeks ago…for the last time; cleaning out, gathering bits and snatches of things that evoked emotions of laughter and tears – papers, books, objects, pictures.

Photographs and memories.

This past weekend, I went to my mom’s home and did the same…for the last time; pulling out, sifting through, gasping at “treasures” long forgotten but which evoked many reminiscences. As I packed up and began to leave, I kept going back for “one last” look or item that meant something to me if to no one else.

Photographs and memories.

They take me back.

I am somewhat of the family “historian,” the keeper of the memories – the one who didn’t want to leave anything that was special to my mom or dad behind…even if it was a “silly little thing.” And, if I couldn’t get someone else to take it home, I did.

These “last times” have been bittersweet. The stories my siblings and I have shared, the “finds” we uncovered, the memories relived, the dividing up of one home to go to the many – just as each individual moved out from the larger family to begin new families so many years ago. We are extensions of our dad’s and mom’s stories and their story and, so, just as physical pieces of their lives are reminders of those stories, so we remember, and we live out our own lives, in many ways shaped by their own.

I admit, tears have fallen as I remembered both joy and sorrow, times of laughter and tears, and driving away from each one brought a finality that was, in the moment, a little unsettling. Even now, as I write this, the reality brings some tears welling up in my eyes.

But not without hope.

It sent me right where I needed to go…to my Father God’s throne of grace, straight back to the heart of the One who created me, knows me, and comforts as none other.

The “things” I brought back are history and part of my story, but I don’t “need” them to remember. I enjoy them, and I enjoy sharing the stories with my family…but I don’t “need” them to keep the memories alive.

Every memory is not sweet.

Every memory does not bring a smile.

Every object does not bring a good remembrance.

But every bit of my story, joy and sadness, is sifted through my Father’s hands, my Savior’s grace. And that grace, that careful sifting for His glory and my good is sweet, does bring a smile, is a good reminder of His faithfulness to those who are His, who are “called according to HIS purpose…to be confirmed to the image of His Son.” (Romans 8:28)

We can remember the sweetness with delight, and we can see how God has redeemed the harder moments.

We can smile at the tender times and the precious comforts. And, because we have been saved by faith in the mercy and grace of God and the fact that, for those who have been redeemed, He makes all things new, we can be thankful for the lessons learned and the redemptive way He has taken the hard places and used them to grow us; the way He has given us opportunities to point to Him, to use our stories to tell people about His forgiveness, redemption, and transformation of our souls and lives as we interact with others.

Life is messy because we live in a fallen world with fallen people…and each of us is one of them.

But THAT is the Gospel – we are, each one, sinners – rebels against the Almighty God, Maker of heaven and earth, and sovereign over all, wanting to do things our own way.

We are born and live out our lives – sometimes well and sometimes failing.

Our days are numbered and, as one has said, “100% of us will live, 100% of us will die, and 100% of us will stand before Him one day and spend eternity in heaven or hell. It is a reality which we all face.”

But, in real time and history, Jesus died on the cross to take the penalty for our sins, and He was resurrected from the dead defeating the power of death.

We don’t have to “do” anything but accept, by faith, that work on our behalf. And God Himself gives the faith to do that. We just have to say, “I believe, and I trust the work You did on the cross; I am Yours, Lord!” And, out of that love and thankfulness and, by the power of that same grace, learn to give up our desires, and let Him replace them with His desires, which are so much more satisfying; to joyfully say, “I am Yours, Lord; change me, use me, grow me!”

Because of His great mercy and the power of the Holy Spirit, we “once were” and are now being made more and more into the likeness of His Son, transformed and being transformed! As we submit to Him (a word towards which our culture turns a haughty shoulder), He changes what is not in line with His will in us, defeats the enemy of our soul’s attempt to accuse us, redeems the hard places, helps us forgive others as He has forgiven us so that we do not allow the emptiness of bitterness to rob us of the joy of moving forward and bringing Him glory!

We can remember the good and the bad, the sweetness and the sorrow with a peace that makes no sense to the world, because He is more than able to “work all things for the good to those who LOVE God, to those CALLED according to His purpose.” (again, Romans 8:28)

He redeems our stories.

He rescues and transforms us.

He makes all things new for our good and His glory.

Our photographs and memories may bring great delight or deep sadness. They may make us laugh uncontrollably or send tears streaming down our faces.

Some we need to remember and simply thank our Father for the sweetness of the memory.

Some we need to confront and take to the cross of Christ, maybe with another…then leave behind.

Some we need to allow God to use to encourage, challenge, or exhort another.

Each memory, a part of our story, and, in the Father’s hands, they have been and are being used.

Our response must always be to thank Him – for His grace, for His mercy, for His redemption.

I drove away from each house – praying for the next families that will occupy the places I once called home.  I’m asking the Lord to fill them with the love and grace I received but also that each person will know the love and grace of Christ.   

And, as I did, I thanked my Savior for making me His own, for giving me the parents He gave me, as one friend said, “flawed (like each of us) and fabulous,” for blessing me with the siblings I have with each other, for the relationships and friendships, some that were mine for a moment in time and others forged over a lifetime – each of which have shaped me, for the memories of joy and laughter not only in the past but the ones created over these weeks of the “clean out” process, and for growing that little girl into a woman whose life is hidden in Christ and whose story He is still writing.

Photographs and memories…may they always remind me of His goodness and grace.

The Miracles We Often Miss

Posted on by

We love to hear stories of unexplained physical healing which we know can only be the hand of God!

We love to hear accounts of relationships restored and brokenness healed by the power of the Holy Spirit.

We love to hear first-hand narratives of those who have waited long for someone – a child to conceive or adopt or the person to marry – and God orchestrating that in timing and ways we could never design so well.

We love to hear tales of an impending disaster that was averted or rescues for which there is no other explanation other than God intervening.

And, because God is at work, they happen all around us.

We rightly shout, “To God be the glory; He is the Author of that miracle!” Indeed, He is and He has been doing so across time! Those are the miracles in which we most often rejoice, and for which we are quick to sing His praise!

And there are the every day miracles in His created world: a baby formed in the womb, growing to take his or her first breath; the sunshine that warms our days and the moon that reflects that sun; the stars the twinkle and the rain that falls; the ocean breezes and the mountain snows; the air we breathe and beauty of His creation across the continents.

But sometimes (and maybe, more often than not), we miss the miracles we don’t call miracles at all. We fail to see or we make light of the inexplicable work He is doing in hearts when the physical healing doesn’t come, when the relationship is not restored, when the disaster is not averted; when faith replaces fear, and hope overshadows discouragement.

Over the short term and the long months and years, much can and does happen in the lives of those we love.  In our own circle, there have been some miraculous answers to prayer – yes, unexplained other than by the gracious hand of God whose will it has been to have His glory expressed through physical healing, children being added to our homes by birth and adoption, relationships restored, and lives redeemed by the living God through Christ! And we have given God praise and honor for all these things!

But, there are also other circumstances in which God is saying, “I am here, I see, I am at work…but wait!”

The journey is just beginning, and what He will do is not yet known. We believe Him for it, and we hope for it; but He is saying, “Wait for it!”

The journey has been long, and the battles wearying. We set our hope on Him, we watch, and we pray; but He is saying, “Wait for it!”

Perhaps the miracle is in learning to wait, learning to trust when we cannot see, learning to cry out through tears, “I can’t do this, Lord; carry me and make me able!” Even if we never get the answer for which we long.

And I have been reminded recently that sometimes, when those answers don’t come quickly, God hears our cries and allows us to ask “Why?” and “How long?” just as the Psalmist prayed in Psalm 13, not as a ill-tempered child, but as a weary warrior who truly wants to trust and who comes to our good, good Father with a sincere heart that says, “I believe; help my unbelief!” (Mark 9:24)  Or, “Even if you don’t answer as I want, again with the Psalmist I will say, ‘But as for me, I trust in You, O LORD…You are my God…Save me in Your lovingkindness.’” (Psalm 31)

I think of my sister’s dear friend and worship leader, Laura Story – her own hard but trust-instilling questions throughout her song, “What if Your blessings come through raindrops; what if Your healing comes through tears? What if a thousand sleepless nights are what it takes to know You’re near? What if trials of this life are Your blessings in disguise?”

What if our trials, our hard places, our broken bodies and wounded hearts are opportunities for miracles in disguise? The miracle of God leading to a place of rest; the miracle of God working in us and through us, moment by moment, transforming our responses in spite of us and giving us strength not just for the long road ahead but for the next step, the next minute.

“His grace is sufficient” is not a platitude! It is a very real promise of God for those who are His redeemed children in Christ Jesus, for those who set their eyes on Him and stare at the Savior more than at their circumstances. “His power IS made perfect in weakness!” (2 Corinthians 12:9)

It is the sure hope of those who have said, “Not my will but yours, Lord,” who have not just acknowledged that He exists, but who have laid their very lives and pursuits at the cross and said, “I am Yours; deal with me according to your lovingkindness and teach me, use me, change me…”

I have seen and am seeing THOSE miracles!

One I love dearly has a body that has been broken by illness for many years, but her joy and her hope in Christ is palpable! He is doing miracles through her; He is changing and strengthening lives through her in spite of our pleas for Him to heal.

Does she long for wholeness? Of course, but does she hope in the Lord? She does!

Does she make it clear that her joy is because of Him, that her hope is not in the here and now but in eternity? She does.

Is her desire for God to be glorified, for believers to be strengthened, and unbelievers to come to a saving relationship with God through Jesus? It is!

We spoke of that just last week!

That is a miracle! That is God renewing her strength and her hope and her joy day by day regardless of what that day may hold; the miracle is Him giving it in the first place and “continuing the good work He began in her…carrying it to completion”* when I know she doesn’t “feel” like it at times!

Another I love deeply longs to add to their family, and we have prayed without ceasing. But, at this time, God has said, “Wait for it!” And, in that waiting and longing, they rejoice and trust the One who has called them to Himself and has shown Himself faithful. That is a miracle!

Watching and waiting with expectation and trusting when the longing is so great!

Others I love are facing medical issues – some that are likely to have an answer that will be just what we desire and others not – but the wait on doctors and diagnosis and treatments is a reality.

Could the miracle be in God giving each of them (and those of us who wait alongside them) the ability to persevere, pray with expectation, and respond in faith regardless of the answers?

Could the miracle be the growing to hunger more for the Lord and His return than what happens in our earthly bodies?

Could the miracle be in desiring more of our Savior as we watch and wait and long for His presence in the here and now?

I admit – I don’t wait well. I desire quick answers for them as I do when I am in these circumstances. But, it is often true, that God teaches and grows me so much more when He makes me wait…because my eyes can then be nowhere else but on my Savior rather than on me trying to “fix a problem or find a solution.”

I’ve seen God work in my own heart, as I weep deeply for people and situations in my life and theirs, but He is constantly reminding me that weeping does not have to give way to worry.  We can walk with the Comforter even if our steps are slow and plodding.

He is teaching me to “take every thought captive to make it obedient to Christ” (2 Corinthians 10:5) when my thoughts want to run ahead of my Savior and as the lie of fear wants to overtake my heart and mind. He is reminding me over again that I can and must pray “in expectation” (Psalm 5) because He hears, He is faithful, and His ways are not my ways – they are good even when they don’t “feel” good!

I’ve watched bitter hearts soften to forgive even when a deep hurt is not acknowledged or a broken relationship isn’t restored. And I’ve seen the sweetness of a heart resting in Jesus, despite it.

Could the miracle be in resting even while we wrestle with our unmet desires and expectations?

Could the miracle be looking back and recognizing what God has done in us over the years as we have learned to pray more intentionally and to watch and wait, not perfectly, but more faithfully?

Could the miracle be that we have learned to forgive, in spite of deep wounds, and as we have humbly become more transparent and more ready to allow Him to chip away at our own self-wills so we could see Him doing a work of grace, first in us, as only He could do?

Could the miracle be that we have seen Him take what looked like a terrible situation that seemed to be unredeemable and work in us and in others, rescuing and restoring what was lost or damaged or making us still faithful if not?

Could the miracle be in experiencing peace where there is no peace, hope when circumstances don’t warrant it?

Could the miracle be in Him working in us so that we can, “Be still and know that He is God!” (Psalm 46:10)

Those are actions of the Holy in Spirit as He teaches and equips His children to say, “Do in your servant what you will…to You be the glory!” One step at a time.

We want physical and emotional healing; He wants redeemed souls!

“…which is easier, to say, ‘Your sins are forgiven,’ or to say, ‘Rise and walk’?” Matthew 9:5

We want restored relationships with one another; He wants those but, even more, He wants us to have a relationship with Him.

“…our great God and Savior Jesus Christ, who gave Himself for us to redeem us from all lawlessness and to purify for Himself a people for His own possession…” (Titus 2:14)

We want trouble-free lives; He wants us to lean on, trust, and see Him.

“I have told you these things, so that in me you may have peace. In this world, you will have trouble. But take heart! I have overcome the world.” (John 16:33)

We want quick solutions; He wants to train us to persevere in the long haul to grow us and teach us to hope in Him (though growing is oft times painful).

“Therefore, since we have been justified by faith, we have peace with God through our Lord Jesus Christ. Through him we have also obtained access by faith into this grace in which we stand, and we rejoice in hope of the glory of God. Not only that, but we rejoice in our sufferings, knowing that suffering produces endurance, and endurance produces character, and character produces hope, and hope does not put us to shame, because God’s love has been poured into our hearts through the Holy Spirit who has been given to us.” (Romans 5:1-5)

Maybe our response – our real pain that is marked by real tears and frustration but that is woven into, even overshadowed, by our real faith in God Himself – is what brings God glory, is what will make people seek Him and see Him!

We can answer, “I don’t know why, and it hurts! Yet will I trust Him! Yet will I put my hope in Him!”

The miracle of God in our deepest fears, our greatest trials, our scariest diagnosis, our most broken of relationships, everything that is evidence of a world tainted by sin but that is not the final reality…is that we have hope in the God who spoke this world into existence and in the Son who is coming to reign again.

The miracle is that we can weep for a moment, but that joy comes in the morning. We can long for the coming day when this world, that is but a shadow of what is to come, is in the past and the wholeness, which we who are redeemed through and submitted to Christ anticipate, is realized in that day!

The miracle is that God carries us when we can’t fathom another step, that His Spirit comforts us when our tears flow hot and heavy, and that He emboldens us to stand on His true, unchanging Word in the face of an enemy who wants to defeat us with fear.

The miracle defined is that He became Emmanuel, God with us, to redeem us from ourselves and make us His own.

We can know Him. We can love Him. We can anticipate with certainty an eternity with Him. We can rest in our Living Hope.

Don’t miss the miracles!

Don’t miss the greatest miracle!

“Wait for the LORD; Be strong and let your heart take courage; Yes, wait for the LORD.” (Psalm 27:14)

“For this very reason, make every effort to add to your faith goodness; and to goodness, knowledge; and to knowledge, self-control; and to self-control, perseverance; and to perseverance, godliness; and to godliness, mutual affection; and to mutual affection, love. For if you possess these qualities in increasing measure, they will keep you from being ineffective and unproductive in your knowledge of our Lord Jesus Christ.” (2 Peter 1:3-8)

“From where will my help come? My help comes from the LORD, the Maker of heaven and earth.”    Psalm 121:1-2

*Philippians 1:6

“Fear Not,” Said Daddy

Posted on by

The day was clear and the sun was shining; all seemed perfect for a family outing at the amusement park! To me, there was no better place in all the world to just enjoy being seven years old.

We quickly got our tickets and, with me way ahead of my brothers, sisters, and parents, we entered my “perfect world.” I ran first to the bumper cars, then the airplanes, the water flume, the mine train – all the rides that were just my size. For one with so much enthusiasm for adventure, it was almost overload!

After about an hour, my dad led me to what he said would be the “most fun of all.” As I stared up at the monstrous creature before me, tears filled my eyes! My “perfect world” no longer seemed so perfect and my enthusiasm all but vanished.

“Come on, honey,” Daddy shouted, “You’ll love it!”

“I can’t, Daddy!” I cried, “It’s too big, too fast! I’m just a little girl!”

“You can do this…But I’ll let you make that choice; wait for us here while we go,” he said as they all ran excitedly up the ramp and towards the enormous roller coaster.

I sat on the bench with my head in my hands as I fought back hot tears, not only because I was having to wait alone and I wanted to not be afraid but also because I knew how disappointed my daddy would be in his little girl. He knew my love for trying new things so I’m sure he was surprised when I stood resolute. I’m also sure his heart broke a little when he saw my tears falling.

But my daddy knew this moment in time was bigger than what loomed before me; he knew it was an opportunity to teach and to train. And it was the way he raised us – seize those teachable moments wherever they arose.

So, when they all got off and were getting in line again, he tried once more to convince me. “You don’t have to be afraid; I’ll be right there beside you.” But I stayed firmly planted on the bench while everyone else ran back around for the second time with smiles and laughter.

As Daddy got in line for the third time, he felt a tug at his shirt.   Looking down, he saw me staring up at him with a cautious smile.

“I’ll go, Daddy, if you’ll sit beside me.” I barely got the words out when it was time to board the ride.

Eyes closed tightly, hands gripping the safety bar, I snuggled close to him as the ride started off with a jolt. We were sent soaring, higher and faster. Slowly my eyes opened a little at a time.  It was terrifying but so much fun.

This little girl who loved adventure, climbing, and proving she could do what the big kids could do and love it, was in her element. But first I had to face my fear.

Too soon it came to an end and we had to get off. I ran to the end of the line and, with great boldness, declared, “If you don’t mind, Daddy, I think I’ll ride alone this time!”

And sitting in the very first car all by myself, eyes wide open, and with a great big grin on my face, I was off on the first of many wild roller coaster rides without my daddy.

In fact, it was just the beginning of a lifetime of “facing my fears,” one of those life lessons my dad brought home to my heart over and over again.

Most of my life, if I said I was too unsure or afraid to do something, his immediate response would be, “Then you need to do it!” And when I would tell him of an experience where I had to put that encouragement into action, I could see his smile and hear his joy through his words, “That a girl!”

In the moments when he was there at bedtime and we would be making up stories and talking about the day, in the opportunities when we would be driving in the car on a quick errand or a long trip, he would remind me that we face our fears – every time – because we don’t want fear to cast a shadow over our lives, we don’t want to miss opportunities, and we can know that, because we are His, God is with us, bigger than our fears.  He would remind me that I could face the impossible because God is bigger than the impossible. He would remind me that the scary things of life can be and should be faced knowing God can be trusted to walk with us and give us the courage to do or to endure.

The roller coaster was one of the first of many “face your fears” moments in my life. But it wasn’t the biggest nor the last.

Sometimes I have risen to the occasion and sometimes my fear has caused me to “stay firmly planted on the bench.” And always, I heard and still hear my daddy’s voice, “You can do this…I’ll be right here beside you.” And, while I know my dad has not actually always been right beside me in each of those moments, I have known his encouragement and have always known that my Abba Father, God who is my tender heavenly Daddy, Faithful and True, is indeed right here with me.

I hear the voice of my Heavenly Father say, “Fear not…”

I’m thankful that my dad began to instill this truth of God in my heart that day and, as I grew, he brought it back to Who gave him the courage to face his fears – though it was sometimes hard to imagine that the man who pushed the limits on adrenaline pumping experiences and new challenges had any fear. His confidence began with the One who walks us through adventures and valleys, thrills, and incredibly stifling places; strong, healthy bodies and those broken and racked with evidence of the curse.

And, I’m thankful that, though I lived far away in my adult years, in some of his last days of his last month here on earth before he stepped into eternity where, for those redeemed by the work of Christ on the cross and His resurrection, fear is extinguished forever; before the God he loved and proclaimed, I was able to spend time by his side.

And I had the privilege and joy of speaking that truth to him, his once strong body and sound mind now frail, “You’ve told me all my life and I’m going to remind you now, Daddy: You don’t have to be afraid. I’m right here for now, holding your hand. But, most of all, Jesus is right here with you walking you through it all. Our God has told us, ‘Fear not…’ Hold on to and keep your eyes on Him!”

He looked at me through tired but still twinkling eyes, with that winsome, crooked smile that was uniquely my Dad’s and whispered, “It’s good to know I was heard; I guess I’m getting it back now and hearing my own words.”

Thank you for giving it in the first place, Daddy. Thank you for pushing me to step out beyond my fears as a little girl and also as a young woman, and, in the frightening moments not to look at the circumstances. Thank you for teaching and reminding me to look at Jesus – to give thanks and to give up trembling.

You have no fear any longer, Daddy; I’ll see you when God calls me home and, in that moment and in the meantime, I’ll remember not to fear.

“For God has not given us a spirit of fear but of power and of love and of a sound mind and self-control.” 2 Timothy 1:7

“Fear not, for I am with you; be not dismayed, for I am your God; I will strengthen you, I will you, I will uphold you with my righteous right hand!” Isaiah 41:10

“When you pass through the waters, I will be with you…when you walk through the fire, you will not be burned…for I am the Lord your God…do not be afraid, for I am with you.” Isaiah 43

“…do what is right and do not fear anything that is frightening.” I Peter 3:6

                                                    ***     ***     ***     ***

“You can grieve for me the week before I die, if I’m scared and hurting, but when I gasp that last fleeting breath and my immortal soul flees to heaven, I’m going to be jumping over fire hydrants down the golden streets, and my biggest concern, if I have any will be my wife back here grieving. When I die, I will be identified with Christ’s exaltation. But right now, I’m identified with His affliction.” RC Sproul

Until then Daddy…Dawnie

1998 Dad and Me

A Life Well Penned

Posted on by

Life.

It is a story in the making.

How and by whom our story is written makes all the difference in the world.

Often, we believe we can write our own, unhindered by the counsel of others or the wisdom of God.  That is always to our detriment.

Or, as we compose our narrative, the intersection of lives causes our own to be edited; at times for the better and for our joy, at other times, to our loss, and, sometimes, both.  But our hearts are always shaped by those with whom we share the page during our lifetime.

For the follower of Christ, we know it is God who is the “Author and Perfecter of our faith,” but also the Author and Perfecter of our stories.  For some the ‘plot’ is more erratic as He seeks to woo and restore scratches on the page.  In other cases, it may be more direct with less editing necessary; but always, each one, in need of the Redeemer.

One thing we who are in Christ can be sure of is that, even if there are edits to our pages that come our way unexpectedly, they never take our Father by surprise.  And He intricately weaves the joy and the pain together, sometimes restoring what has been lost and sometimes gently prying our fingers from it, for a beautiful tapestry.  It is an illustration of exquisiteness, from disorder to delight.

It is as if the scribbles of a child on a page become elaborate calligraphy – extravagant beauty and clarity to our hearts – as He causes “all things to work together for good for those who love Him and are called according to His purpose” (Romans 8:28) regardless of the outcome. It is the promise for those who are His own.

As God writes our stories, there are times He does so in ways we pause to wonder why the “plot” would take this turn. But, because He is our all knowing, all loving God, we know He is working in us and preparing us for the rest of the chapters. Some surprises are comfortable; some are not. But every “word” comes from the palm of His hand; that same palm that demonstrated the greatest love, sacrificial as it was. And He will weave every circumstance for His glory and for a greater joy and good in our lives than we can even anticipate!

I love lyrics to music; they often verbalize my life story or my response to it.  Several songs draw me back to the reality of God’s ultimate, perfect control even when my life or the lives of those I love are seemingly not being written the way I would have authored them.

“The God of Every Story” by Laura Story is one of those.  He is, indeed, the God of every one of our stories and can be trusted to complete the good work He began in each of His children (Philippians 1:6).

Ultimately, I know that whether or not I always “love” the way my book is being completed, I am thankful that the One who knows me best and has already seen the end of my novel is the One who is preparing my current chapters and the ones ahead of me!

He’s the God of every story; He sees each tear that falls. 

We may not understand but one thing is certain. 

He is faithful, He’s a faithful God.

His ways are higher than we could ever comprehend.

When our world is shaking, He holds us in the palm of His hand…

You’re the God of every story no matter what I’m going through.

I may not understand, but You are God and I am just a man…

I’m forever trusting in Your plan. 

One thing is certain;

You are faithful, You’re faithful God!

(Laura Story)