Category Archives: Family

Photographs and Memories

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Photographs and memories.

It is an old song…but it is also a present reality.

I went to one of my childhood homes, my dad’s, for the last time several weeks ago…for the last time; cleaning out, gathering bits and snatches of things that evoked emotions of laughter and tears – papers, books, objects, pictures.

Photographs and memories.

This past weekend, I went to my mom’s home and did the same…for the last time; pulling out, sifting through, gasping at “treasures” long forgotten but which evoked many reminiscences. As I packed up and began to leave, I kept going back for “one last” look or item that meant something to me if to no one else.

Photographs and memories.

They take me back.

I am somewhat of the family “historian,” the keeper of the memories – the one who didn’t want to leave anything that was special to my mom or dad behind…even if it was a “silly little thing.” And, if I couldn’t get someone else to take it home, I did.

These “last times” have been bittersweet. The stories my siblings and I have shared, the “finds” we uncovered, the memories relived, the dividing up of one home to go to the many – just as each individual moved out from the larger family to begin new families so many years ago. We are extensions of our dad’s and mom’s stories and their story and, so, just as physical pieces of their lives are reminders of those stories, so we remember, and we live out our own lives, in many ways shaped by their own.

I admit, tears have fallen as I remembered both joy and sorrow, times of laughter and tears, and driving away from each one brought a finality that was, in the moment, a little unsettling. Even now, as I write this, the reality brings some tears welling up in my eyes.

But not without hope.

It sent me right where I needed to go…to my Father God’s throne of grace, straight back to the heart of the One who created me, knows me, and comforts as none other.

The “things” I brought back are history and part of my story, but I don’t “need” them to remember. I enjoy them, and I enjoy sharing the stories with my family…but I don’t “need” them to keep the memories alive.

Every memory is not sweet.

Every memory does not bring a smile.

Every object does not bring a good remembrance.

But every bit of my story, joy and sadness, is sifted through my Father’s hands, my Savior’s grace. And that grace, that careful sifting for His glory and my good is sweet, does bring a smile, is a good reminder of His faithfulness to those who are His, who are “called according to HIS purpose…to be confirmed to the image of His Son.” (Romans 8:28)

We can remember the sweetness with delight, and we can see how God has redeemed the harder moments.

We can smile at the tender times and the precious comforts. And, because we have been saved by faith in the mercy and grace of God and the fact that, for those who have been redeemed, He makes all things new, we can be thankful for the lessons learned and the redemptive way He has taken the hard places and used them to grow us; the way He has given us opportunities to point to Him, to use our stories to tell people about His forgiveness, redemption, and transformation of our souls and lives as we interact with others.

Life is messy because we live in a fallen world with fallen people…and each of us is one of them.

But THAT is the Gospel – we are, each one, sinners – rebels against the Almighty God, Maker of heaven and earth, and sovereign over all, wanting to do things our own way.

We are born and live out our lives – sometimes well and sometimes failing.

Our days are numbered and, as one has said, “100% of us will live, 100% of us will die, and 100% of us will stand before Him one day and spend eternity in heaven or hell. It is a reality which we all face.”

But, in real time and history, Jesus died on the cross to take the penalty for our sins, and He was resurrected from the dead defeating the power of death.

We don’t have to “do” anything but accept, by faith, that work on our behalf. And God Himself gives the faith to do that. We just have to say, “I believe, and I trust the work You did on the cross; I am Yours, Lord!” And, out of that love and thankfulness and, by the power of that same grace, learn to give up our desires, and let Him replace them with His desires, which are so much more satisfying; to joyfully say, “I am Yours, Lord; change me, use me, grow me!”

Because of His great mercy and the power of the Holy Spirit, we “once were” and are now being made more and more into the likeness of His Son, transformed and being transformed! As we submit to Him (a word towards which our culture turns a haughty shoulder), He changes what is not in line with His will in us, defeats the enemy of our soul’s attempt to accuse us, redeems the hard places, helps us forgive others as He has forgiven us so that we do not allow the emptiness of bitterness to rob us of the joy of moving forward and bringing Him glory!

We can remember the good and the bad, the sweetness and the sorrow with a peace that makes no sense to the world, because He is more than able to “work all things for the good to those who LOVE God, to those CALLED according to His purpose.” (again, Romans 8:28)

He redeems our stories.

He rescues and transforms us.

He makes all things new for our good and His glory.

Our photographs and memories may bring great delight or deep sadness. They may make us laugh uncontrollably or send tears streaming down our faces.

Some we need to remember and simply thank our Father for the sweetness of the memory.

Some we need to confront and take to the cross of Christ, maybe with another…then leave behind.

Some we need to allow God to use to encourage, challenge, or exhort another.

Each memory, a part of our story, and, in the Father’s hands, they have been and are being used.

Our response must always be to thank Him – for His grace, for His mercy, for His redemption.

I drove away from each house – praying for the next families that will occupy the places I once called home.  I’m asking the Lord to fill them with the love and grace I received but also that each person will know the love and grace of Christ.   

And, as I did, I thanked my Savior for making me His own, for giving me the parents He gave me, as one friend said, “flawed (like each of us) and fabulous,” for blessing me with the siblings I have with each other, for the relationships and friendships, some that were mine for a moment in time and others forged over a lifetime – each of which have shaped me, for the memories of joy and laughter not only in the past but the ones created over these weeks of the “clean out” process, and for growing that little girl into a woman whose life is hidden in Christ and whose story He is still writing.

Photographs and memories…may they always remind me of His goodness and grace.

“Fear Not,” Said Daddy

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The day was clear and the sun was shining; all seemed perfect for a family outing at the amusement park! To me, there was no better place in all the world to just enjoy being seven years old.

We quickly got our tickets and, with me way ahead of my brothers, sisters, and parents, we entered my “perfect world.” I ran first to the bumper cars, then the airplanes, the water flume, the mine train – all the rides that were just my size. For one with so much enthusiasm for adventure, it was almost overload!

After about an hour, my dad led me to what he said would be the “most fun of all.” As I stared up at the monstrous creature before me, tears filled my eyes! My “perfect world” no longer seemed so perfect and my enthusiasm all but vanished.

“Come on, honey,” Daddy shouted, “You’ll love it!”

“I can’t, Daddy!” I cried, “It’s too big, too fast! I’m just a little girl!”

“You can do this…But I’ll let you make that choice; wait for us here while we go,” he said as they all ran excitedly up the ramp and towards the enormous roller coaster.

I sat on the bench with my head in my hands as I fought back hot tears, not only because I was having to wait alone and I wanted to not be afraid but also because I knew how disappointed my daddy would be in his little girl. He knew my love for trying new things so I’m sure he was surprised when I stood resolute. I’m also sure his heart broke a little when he saw my tears falling.

But my daddy knew this moment in time was bigger than what loomed before me; he knew it was an opportunity to teach and to train. And it was the way he raised us – seize those teachable moments wherever they arose.

So, when they all got off and were getting in line again, he tried once more to convince me. “You don’t have to be afraid; I’ll be right there beside you.” But I stayed firmly planted on the bench while everyone else ran back around for the second time with smiles and laughter.

As Daddy got in line for the third time, he felt a tug at his shirt.   Looking down, he saw me staring up at him with a cautious smile.

“I’ll go, Daddy, if you’ll sit beside me.” I barely got the words out when it was time to board the ride.

Eyes closed tightly, hands gripping the safety bar, I snuggled close to him as the ride started off with a jolt. We were sent soaring, higher and faster. Slowly my eyes opened a little at a time.  It was terrifying but so much fun.

This little girl who loved adventure, climbing, and proving she could do what the big kids could do and love it, was in her element. But first I had to face my fear.

Too soon it came to an end and we had to get off. I ran to the end of the line and, with great boldness, declared, “If you don’t mind, Daddy, I think I’ll ride alone this time!”

And sitting in the very first car all by myself, eyes wide open, and with a great big grin on my face, I was off on the first of many wild roller coaster rides without my daddy.

In fact, it was just the beginning of a lifetime of “facing my fears,” one of those life lessons my dad brought home to my heart over and over again.

Most of my life, if I said I was too unsure or afraid to do something, his immediate response would be, “Then you need to do it!” And when I would tell him of an experience where I had to put that encouragement into action, I could see his smile and hear his joy through his words, “That a girl!”

In the moments when he was there at bedtime and we would be making up stories and talking about the day, in the opportunities when we would be driving in the car on a quick errand or a long trip, he would remind me that we face our fears – every time – because we don’t want fear to cast a shadow over our lives, we don’t want to miss opportunities, and we can know that, because we are His, God is with us, bigger than our fears.  He would remind me that I could face the impossible because God is bigger than the impossible. He would remind me that the scary things of life can be and should be faced knowing God can be trusted to walk with us and give us the courage to do or to endure.

The roller coaster was one of the first of many “face your fears” moments in my life. But it wasn’t the biggest nor the last.

Sometimes I have risen to the occasion and sometimes my fear has caused me to “stay firmly planted on the bench.” And always, I heard and still hear my daddy’s voice, “You can do this…I’ll be right here beside you.” And, while I know my dad has not actually always been right beside me in each of those moments, I have known his encouragement and have always known that my Abba Father, God who is my tender heavenly Daddy, Faithful and True, is indeed right here with me.

I hear the voice of my Heavenly Father say, “Fear not…”

I’m thankful that my dad began to instill this truth of God in my heart that day and, as I grew, he brought it back to Who gave him the courage to face his fears – though it was sometimes hard to imagine that the man who pushed the limits on adrenaline pumping experiences and new challenges had any fear. His confidence began with the One who walks us through adventures and valleys, thrills, and incredibly stifling places; strong, healthy bodies and those broken and racked with evidence of the curse.

And, I’m thankful that, though I lived far away in my adult years, in some of his last days of his last month here on earth before he stepped into eternity where, for those redeemed by the work of Christ on the cross and His resurrection, fear is extinguished forever; before the God he loved and proclaimed, I was able to spend time by his side.

And I had the privilege and joy of speaking that truth to him, his once strong body and sound mind now frail, “You’ve told me all my life and I’m going to remind you now, Daddy: You don’t have to be afraid. I’m right here for now, holding your hand. But, most of all, Jesus is right here with you walking you through it all. Our God has told us, ‘Fear not…’ Hold on to and keep your eyes on Him!”

He looked at me through tired but still twinkling eyes, with that winsome, crooked smile that was uniquely my Dad’s and whispered, “It’s good to know I was heard; I guess I’m getting it back now and hearing my own words.”

Thank you for giving it in the first place, Daddy. Thank you for pushing me to step out beyond my fears as a little girl and also as a young woman, and, in the frightening moments not to look at the circumstances. Thank you for teaching and reminding me to look at Jesus – to give thanks and to give up trembling.

You have no fear any longer, Daddy; I’ll see you when God calls me home and, in that moment and in the meantime, I’ll remember not to fear.

“For God has not given us a spirit of fear but of power and of love and of a sound mind and self-control.” 2 Timothy 1:7

“Fear not, for I am with you; be not dismayed, for I am your God; I will strengthen you, I will you, I will uphold you with my righteous right hand!” Isaiah 41:10

“When you pass through the waters, I will be with you…when you walk through the fire, you will not be burned…for I am the Lord your God…do not be afraid, for I am with you.” Isaiah 43

“…do what is right and do not fear anything that is frightening.” I Peter 3:6

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“You can grieve for me the week before I die, if I’m scared and hurting, but when I gasp that last fleeting breath and my immortal soul flees to heaven, I’m going to be jumping over fire hydrants down the golden streets, and my biggest concern, if I have any will be my wife back here grieving. When I die, I will be identified with Christ’s exaltation. But right now, I’m identified with His affliction.” RC Sproul

Until then Daddy…Dawnie

1998 Dad and Me